Tower of London

On Thursday, my family and I headed out to the Tower of London, which is quite expensive, but there’s a ton to see. We first took a peek at the Crown Jewels, trying to beat the crowds (pretty successfully). Then we headed back toward the entrance to get oriented by our beefeater guide Jim.

Here he is in front of the White Tower

 

The Tower as Prison

Most of these stories revolved around the Tower’s use as a prison. I was aware of the story of the princes in the tower and of Anne Boleyn, but the Tower also housed Walter Raleigh (which really surprised me until I figured out I had confused Raleigh with Rayleigh, but even so…), Elizabeth I (when her sister half-sister Mary was still Queen and suspected Elizabeth was plotting against her), Thomas More (if you’re going to advise the King, maybe don’t tell him he can’t be head of the church) and an unbelievably large number of Archbishops of Canterbury.

The Bell Tower where Thomas More and the Duke of Monmouth were held captive. The black balcony is where Guy Fawkes was questioned about his role in the gunpowder plot.

Traitors’ gate

The portcullis on the Bloody Tower, which weighs 2 tons and which Errol Flynn held up with one hand while fighting off Basil Rathbone in the 1938 Robin Hood movie. Way to ruin the magic Jim.

Alley where the Royal Mint was for a time when Sir Isaac Newton was Warden of the Mint. Jim referred to Isaac Newton as “the inventor of the apple, that discoverer of the great British invention of gravity.”

Apartments where prisoners were sometimes held. The second blue door is where Lady Jane Grey was held before execution.

The part of the tower under which the (presumed, but not forensically checked) bones of the two princes were found; now in Westminster Abbey.

An astrological calendar carved into the wall by prisoner and astronomer Hew Draper, accused of sorcery and in the Tower in 1561.

A globe, likely also carved by Hew Draper while imprisoned.

Graffiti carved by prisoners

A replica of the rack; the one used as a torture device at the Tower has been lost.

The Scavenger’s daughter, a torture device that’s sort of the opposite of the rack.

The room where Walter Raleigh was “imprisoned” in the Bloody Tower, although actually he lived relatively comfortably there with his family (certainly appears to be much nicer than a number of modern London flats. ZING!) and was freed to search for gold. He was eventually beheaded though.

Most actual executions took place publicly up on Tower Hill (excpetions: Lady Jane Grey, Queen Anne Boleyn, Queen Catherine Howard)

The Duke of Monmouth, mentioned in the Bell Tower photo, was sort of king for a bit and the legend goes that after they killed him they realized they didn’t have a portrait so his body had to be exhumed and sewn back together and you can see the stitches in the portrait.

There was also quite an extensive telling of Lord Nithsdale’s escape. His wife and two friends snuck in an extra set of female clothes and the two friends escaped with the 6 foot tall, bearded Nithsdale in disguise while his wife remained behind holding a fake conversation with herself and changing the pitch of her voice for an hour before exiting, and sobbingly begging the guard to leave her husband to his prayers before meeting up with her husband and living out the next thirty-three years with him in Rome.

Exterior Shots

Tower Bridge and an older bit of Roman wall

The remains of the Wardrobe Tower from the 12th century, in front of the White Tower.

This is one of the newest buildings, where they keep the Crown Jewels.

The White Tower against the morning’s blue skies.

The beefeaters live on site.

Old London and new London

Things for Fighting

This extra-long jousting lance was made hollow inside so that it “only” weighed about 20 lbs.

Shield presented to Queen Victoria by the Emperor of Ethiopia as a diplomatic gift.

Japanese sword from around 1370. Also a decorative stirrup.

A carbine and bayonet from an exchange with Russian Czar Nicholas I and to the right an officer’s sword said to belong to Peter the Great.

Combined mace and pistol

In the center is a revolver decorated by Tiffany and Co. Top and bottom are jewelled pistols that were turned into the Metropolitan Police as part of a buy-in scheme in the late 90s.

Never leave home without your gold-plated submachine gun

A steam-powered gun that could fire 240 bullets per minute. Did not achieve widespread use due to the size of the boiler it ran on and the time it took to heat up.

After the weapons storeroom caught fire, some of the pieces of bayonet blades, musket locks, etc that melted together were made into decorative objects like candle holders

Two shell cases and an incendiary bomb from one of the first air raids in London in 1915 (dropped from a Zeppelin).

Three-barrelled gun made for Henry VIII. Damaged by, wait for it, a fire.

A 24-pounder gun in the shape of a lion captured at Spain in 1719.

Even bigger weapons

Hoisting a crossbow

Crossbow

Some sort of siege engine that does not appear to be a catapult or a trebuchet, but I’m not sure.

Things Kings Fought In/With

A big chunk of the central White Tower is taken up by The Line of Kings, which claims to be the world’s longest-running tourist attraction. In the mid-1600s, the armours of various English kings were exhibited. Some (most of the ones from Henry VIII and later) were the genuine article, but some were made up without much regard for accuracy. Everything pre-1700 in this country pretty much reminds me of Game of Thrones, so even wandering through now I found it hard to keep track of what was real and what had some artistic license applied.

Henry VIII’s armour

which you can tell by the insignia around the edges

armour for jousting

The armours were often displayed on wooden horses carved from large oak blocks (some by Grinling Gibbons!). Some of the horses date from the 1680s. Jousting poles are visible in the background.

‘Gilt with gold armour suit, curiously wrought’ suit of armour of Charles I.

Armour made for Henry, Prince of Wales, at 13.

Decorated with scenes from the life of Alexander the Great.

Some of the heads and hands that were used when the armour was originally displayed. Charles I and James I are probably in here somewhere, but actually even the info card says they couldn’t positively identify all of the faces. British history: confusing to everyone.

German burgonet helmet, purchased to expand the collection beyond the original Line of Kings bits.

German saddle decorated with dragons, possibly a gift from Emperor Sigismond to Henry V in 1416 when he joined the Hungarian Dragon Order (Why didn’t I know this was a thing and where can I sign up?)

The Flaming Blade, 16th century. Gigantic two-handed sword. Seems kind of impractical.

Diplomatic gift to King James I from Japanese shogun Tokugawa Hidetada.

Combine battle axe and wheel-lock pistol with five concealed gun barrels and two ignition systems

A bardiche, shield and helmet whose origins were not quite correctly given when first displayed. Check out all those suits in the background

Leather-covered wooden shield from Scotland, ~1700.

This is called the Sword of Mercy because of its blunt tip, which seems backwards.

As opposed to the sharp-tipped sword of justice. The last three things were part of the Highlanders’ arms from when Scotland tried to overthrow the Hanoverians because, I think, Catholicism? And also Germans maybe? I should probably know.

Sword of George I

You may have noticed a trend with the pictures here, so just think about the poor guy whose job it was to keep track of all the weapons and where they were at various times. That was done in this ledger:

I think this is about 6 months’ records. What this guy wouldn’t have given for a sort-able Excel Spreadsheet.

 

The Rooms of Henry III and Edward I

Not bad for a place that’s been around since the 1200s

The ceiling beams were added by Henry VIII, who redid everything before Anne Boleyn’s coronation. “Happy coronation day honey. I got you a ceiling strong enough to support the weight of all the guns.” Just what she always wanted I’m sure.

You can tell you’re a fancy-pants king when you get 5 or 6 really thin, lumpy-looking mattresses to sleep on. Luxury is relative I guess.

The rooms in the Wakefield Tower

The ceiling was added in the 1800s.

Miscellaneous Things

Ravens are kept on site and one of the beefeaters is designated ravenmaster, in case the Game of Thrones thing wasn’t getting to you yet.

I couldn’t quite get the backlight correction right here, but the, ahem, garderobe just empties outside…from the second floor. So watch where you stand.

One of the earliest wall fireplaces in England. Fun fact: these fireplaces predated the chimey stack; they put holes into the side of the wall to carry the smoke out instead. And this was an improvement over the previous method of building the fire in the center of the room with just some holes in the roof that the smoke might drift out of after filling up the entire room.

This…is never really explained. But why not a dragon I guess.

The chair in which the last execution at the Tower took place (a German spy in 1941). The rifle range’s bullet catcher was so low that the prisoner had to be seated.

Many different public records were kept at the Tower so William Prynne, a man after my own heart, created a record of all the other records.

After much depressing death and weapons, let’s end with some game pieces.

An 11th century chess piece, but they don’t know which one.